Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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