Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
