Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
