I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
