Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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