I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
