Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
