I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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