im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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