she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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