he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
