A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
