She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
