You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize