I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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