it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
