Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
