i dont even know how to be here
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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