We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
