If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
