office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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