It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
