now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
