grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
