I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drunk is not a location!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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