I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
