I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
