its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
