Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it's like iHOP with fire
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
