Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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