We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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