Swine flu. Run for my life!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
