okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
