just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
