Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
