Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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