I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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