Sry I called you an 8
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
