Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
