Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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