So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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