Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
