Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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