I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
