STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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