things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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