is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
