O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
