I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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