yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
