I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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