This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
