There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
