Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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