So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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