The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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