i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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