apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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