I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
