My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
