break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
