the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a beard to bite.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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