maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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