know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
