Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
