you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
