Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
